Finally Moving in the Right Direction!!

Good Morning Everyone! On Wednesday I  was pretty upset when I stepped on the scale and realized that I had gained more weight. I immediately felt like I had to do something different. I started using the my fitness pal app and I made sure to stick to a 1200 calorie diet. As of this morning I weigh 170 pounds!! After all the craziness that has occurred in the last few months, I am really staring to feel normal again. Finally I am seeing results! I am not recommending 1200 calorie intake for anyone else, because everyone is different. So do what works for you and if you are not seeing results, change it up! The definition of "insanity" is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results!! So lets stay positive, motivated, and inspired! Believe in yourself, after all God made you the way He wanted you... "PERFECTLY" 

WOW! I forget where I came from sometimes!

What Are You Doing For Results??

First of all, I want to thank everyone who has checked out my blog!! The responses I have gotten are through Facebook (Life with Serenity) and Twitter (@jenterronez) are so wonderful! All your comments, and stories are touching and I am blessed to have all of you in my life, whether I know you personally or not!!

What are you going to do differently today?? Yesterday was a great day for me! I walked/jogged to my mom's house, I ate super clean, oatmeal for breakfast, fruits and veggies for the rest of the day! I even had a yogurt Popsicle that was only 45 calories and really hit the spot on a hot day!! Then when Robert came home we did our 10th day of insanity... This morning I weighted 172 pounds!  I really want to get back down to 150 pound especially since Robert and I want to start trying to have another baby! I don't want to balloon up to 200+ pounds while being pregnant!

Today, I want to mirror yesterdays diet and exercise! I also started using a great app on my iPad and iPhone called my fitness pal. It is a great way to track everything... Your exercise (calories burned) all you food intake including water. I am on a 1200 calorie diet. I want to see if this really works for me. I have a doctors appointment with my family practice doctor. I am going to have them check my thyroid just to make sure everything is normal!

Share with me what you are doing and what has worked for you! Let's motivate each other every day!

Day by Day...

Good Morning Everyone!! Today is a new day and I have to start fresh with new motivation! God continues to bless me with health, family, friends and I can't just sit around feeling down, depressed and sorry for myself. I have been working out and eating pretty healthy, but in-spite of all that I continue to gain weight. I have reached 175pounds. I haven't weighted this much since our wedding. It has been hard for me to see the scale creeping up but I think this means I have to try harder! So I am going to try to workout more and eat even better because, I have faith in myself. We all need to believe in ourselves and love ourselves! I just saw an article that Paula Dean lost 30 pounds in 6 months! If she can do it than I can do it and so can you!! We all know how she likes to cook, with all that butter...lol

Share your story with me, and lets do this together! Lets stay positive, motivated and want the best for our self!!  

Finding Motivation!

I have been doing Insanity for a week now and the scale hasn't gone down. I am getting discouraged, but I know I have to keep going! I can't even imagine where I would be if I wasn't eating healthy and exercising! The lap band was very helpful to me for the last five years but, now I'm starting to wonder if it was all worth it. I am grateful that my husband has also changed his lifestyle and watching him makes me want to keep pushing through. If any of you have any suggestions or comments about what I am dealing with, please write me! I would love to hear from you :) Also, if you have questions or are going through your own ordeal, please let me know, I would love to be able to help in any way I can!! Have a beautiful day!

Life after Death... What now??

After all that has happened, where do I start? I am not sure where to go with this. The last couple months I have been so emotional about so much. Losing Josiah, losing my lap band, finding myself... Its all too much at times. My body and hormones are still adjusting to everything that has happened. I started to go to therapy a month ago and she is great!! For me, I feel like it helps to talk about what I am feeling and what I am going through.  My husband, family and friends have also been amazing to me. My relationship with God on the other hand, has been tough... Not that I don't love Him or believe in Him, I just have a hard time praying sometimes. I feel guilty, I don't want to be one of those people that only pray when they need something. I thank God everyday for the blessings in my life and I know all that has happened to me lately doesn't seem like a blessing right now, but I know good will come out of it.  The reason I named this blog, life after death, is not just because the death of our son but its also the death of a season in my life... I need to move forward and its not easy!



As far as my weight goes, this has been a huge challenge!! As soon as I got out of the hospital I already weighted 159 pounds! I was shocked! How was it that I was on IV for 5 days and went from 137 to 159?  Once the lap band was out, my appetite came right back! I was able to eat normally again which was nice but scary! I have been staying as active as possible. I started walking the day I got out of the hospital but, I was a little restricted on types of exercise because I was still healing. My diet has been very healthy, lots of veggies, fruits, chicken, Greek yogurt, oatmeal. Still, there is a problem, the scale keeps going up! I feel like I am starting to develop a complex about it. My brain only focuses about food, exercise and gaining weight. So now I have anxiety everyday! It is the worst feeling ever! It happens countless times a day. When it happens, it lasts a minute or less and it is just a weird uneasy feeling in my stomach. I am taking it day by day. I am starting to increase the intensity of my exercise. Robert and I have started to go hiking and last week I started Insanity! I can't do all the moves yet but I am trying. I don't want to live my life scared of food, I just want to be healthy! I now weigh 170 pounds. I am really hoping that my body will finish adjusting to this trauma and get back to a place where the numbers on the scale will go back down. I just want to be back in the 150 range where I was comfortable.

1st Hike

1st Day of Insanity

If anybody has experiences of their own, please share with me! I would really appreciate knowing that I am not the only one going through something like this. The purpose of my blog is to share my story and also have others share with me. We all need a strong support system!! I love you all and hope you have an awesome day!

What Else Could Go Wrong?!?

 Losing my son, Josiah the way I did was very painful! Now I had to get used to the fact that he was no longer growing in my belly! I guess all pregnant women go through that but, in this case, I didn't have him in my arms either! A few of our dear friends wanted to send Robert and I on a weekend getaway to help us cope with this harsh reality, so they bought us a trip to Catalina Island! They had scheduled us to leave the very next day, but that morning was pouring rain and I called the ferry and they were not going to be traveling that day due to the weather. So we rescheduled for the following week.

After delivering Josiah, I weighted about 137 pounds. I still didn't have much of an appetite but, I was able to eat very small amounts. That week, my family and friends were so supportive and loving and did everything they could to comfort me! I also prayed a lot! I never asked God why this happened, I knew he has a reason for everything, even though we may not know what it is. During this time I was physically weak but everyone was surprised on how I was handling the death of our child!

Friday came quickly and it was now time for our little trip. We got ready and left our house. The ferry ride was smooth and we got to the island around lunch time. We decided to go to the hotel and check in and then go get something to eat. We stopped at a little place and I got some clam chowder. I couldn't eat much but, I felt okay. We walked around the island for a while, took some pictures then decided to go back to the hotel and relax. I started to feel like I needed to vomit, and I got worried. I thought this was over! I went to the bathroom and when I threw up, I saw something that looked like coffee grounds! I told Robert and started to look it up online, what could it possibly be? Then I got freaked out..... It was blood! I could of had an ulcer, my band could have slipped, I could have had some internal bleeding! It only happened that one time up till that point so I tried not to over react! We went to dinner and I drank a lot of water, and had a cup of soup. I was surprised that I felt okay after that. We went back to the room and watched some tv. A few hours later I felt like vomiting again! This was not good! This time I didn't see as much of the blood, but there where traces of it...

What were we going to do? We were on this little island, and supposed to be having a good time and relax! We tried to go to sleep and see what happened through the night. Robert got up early to go for a jog and I was still trying to rest. He comes back and it was around 6am. He wakes me up and says he is going to take me to the ER here on the island. We were getting ready and I threw up again! We found the address of the hospital and walked over there. I was feeling out of breath and tired! They checked me in and started with all kinds of testing trying to figure out what was wrong. I felt like God put us in the right place at the right time because, I got the best care at that tiny hospital than I had gotten through my whole pregnancy ordeal! After many test including blood, CAT scan and being hooked up to an IV all day, the doctor was contacting my lap band doctor and they both determined that it had slipped! I knew that meant I needed another surgery! I was nervous to say the least.

The weather in Catalina was gloomy even though it was probably the most beautiful weekend everywhere else! The doctor would not let me go back on the ferry to go to a major hospital, she wasn't going to risk something happening to me. They wanted to get a helicopter to fly me to hospital but, because of the weather conditions, no one would fly! It took all day Saturday and still no one was going to risk flying me out to the hospital. The doctor had 3 options for a helicopter, their 3rd party service that normally does it (they only fly in clear weather), the local fire department or the coast guard! This was becoming a huge issue. They decided to wait till the next morning to see how the weather would be. Sunday morning rolls around and it is still foggy. The doctor spent all day making calls and trying to convince someone that this was an urgent situation and that I needed to be flown out to get the medical attention I needed! Finally, around 3pm Sunday, the Coast Guard said they would do it but, only to LAX and then I had to get an ambulance to drive me to Burbank where my lap band surgeon was. Robert went back to the main land on the ferry to pick up our car and meet me at the hospital. I was helicoptered out to LAX, where an ambulance met us. 

At this point, I wanted my lap band out, I felt like it all happened for a reason and this situation was God telling me that it was time to remove it. Robert and my mom wanted me to remove it a long time ago because they felt that it could be the cause of me not being to hold my pregnancies! When I got to the hospital I had to wait till the next morning to see the doctor. Monday afternoon, the doctor finally sees me and says, "you know you have to get your band removed, right?" I was surprised that he didn't give me an option but I was also glad that we were on the same page! Surgery was scheduled on Tuesday...

Tuesday morning, they come to prep me for surgery and I was feeling scared! What was going to become of me once I had this thing removed?? Was I going to gain all my weight back? Was I going to be able to handle this on my own? After all it had almost been five years with this band! Tuesday afternoon, surgery was over and I was feeling pretty good! The next morning they released me and I was finally going home to start this new chapter in my life, No baby and no lap band! So much to handle in such a short time!

Before Surgery

Being silly in Catalina

After Surgery

My Pregnancy with Josiah

Yes, I was finally pregnant again. It took 2 years this time but we knew it was worth it. Robert and I went to my first appointment and we were very nervous.  Like to be expected, because of my previous miscarriages I was considered high risk and had to see the doctor every two weeks. The day came along for our first ultrasound and we saw our little gummy bear! It was just a little blob on the screen, but we were excited. I obviously had concerns about having the lap band, especially since all my miscarriages were after getting it but none of the doctors were worried about it when I asked them. Our next ultrasound we got to hear the heartbeat and we couldn't believe it.

All my doctors appointments seemed to be going well and it was time for my first trimester screening. My doctor said that I was still considered overweight and that I should not gain more than 15-20 pounds. By then I had lost a couple pounds and he said that it was normal and some people women just do. During my first trimester, the only thing I wanted to eat was healthy food when I was hungry. I really couldn't even eat much, I seemed to be losing my appetite. I was a little worried but the more women I talked to and the more I read in people's blogs about their experiences, I saw that it seemed okay. Eleven weeks rolled around pretty quickly and we decided to announce to our family and friends on Valentine's Day! The responses we received were overwhelming. So much love, happiness and joy was poured upon us!

Robert and I always dreamed of having a little boy. We even had a name picked out for years! Josiah Daniel was the name. Of course we did not want to wait a minute longer than we had to, to find out the sex of the baby, so at 14 weeks we made an appointment at one of those 3D ultrasound places. The ultrasound tech was monotone and just asked me to lay on the table. As soon as  she put the wand on my stomach she blurted out, " and the gender looks like a boy"......WHAT!!! Did we just hear her correctly??? I was still trying to adjust myself on the table and she didn't even prepare us for the results! OMG! Really?? We have our little boy growing in my belly!?! Josiah Daniel Terronez is was... We immediately started daydreaming of how he was going to look, how to decorate his nursery, and all the fun things we wanted him to experience in his life. Let the shopping begin! My sweet friend, Criscilla started spoiling right away. We bought him his Michael Jordan gear (my husband is a huge MJ fan) and we were getting gifts left and right for this little guy!

Toward the end of March, I was vomiting a lot and having trouble holding down food and water. We were worried about dehydration so to the ER we go for an IV and to see if something was wrong. They told me that it was just hyperemesis of pregnancy which is basically morning sickness. I really started to lose weight and started looking sick. I was about 145 pounds, about 10 pounds lighter than before I was pregnant. A week later on April 4th it happened again and after an IV I was sent home again. Now I was down to 140 pounds!! Normally I would be thrilled but, I was going into my fifth month of pregnancy and was not even showing! That week I started to experience Braxton Hicks contractions. I thought it was a little early so I looked online and saw that women experience it at different stages of their pregnancy. I noticed a light brown discharge on April 10th and I called my doctors office the next morning and they told me that it was all normal as long as I wasn't bleeding! I monitored myself and besides having BH contractions all day, every couple of minutes, I had no bleeding! That night I went to bed and I started to have pain associated with the contractions. In my mind I felt like I was being a little dramatic and sensitive and tried to ignore it. The pain was intensifying through the night and my husband was sound asleep next to me.  I got up at 2:00am to use the restroom and my worst fear was realized... I had been bleeding! A lot! I woke Robert up and told him we have to go to the ER. I was experiencing some pretty horribly painful contractions. One almost brought me down to my knees! I had to stop a second and I felt like a had to use the restroom again. This time nothing happened so I stood up and at that very moment I felt Josiah coming out. I didn't have a clue what to do, I cried out to my husband and as I put my hand down I felt his head, my water breaking and catching him in my hands! I delivered him in our home, in our bathroom... Somehow I had sat back into the toilet and everything had fallen in except him! Robert called 911 immediately and all I could do was call out to God and kiss my little boy and tell him I love him! Josiah was moving around and in my mind I said to myself that he was going to be a miracle baby and that he was going to survive! The ambulance came pretty quickly but all they did was ask me how far along I was. Once I said 19 weeks they said he was a still born and there was nothing they could do. He wasn't a still born we was moving when he came out and even while I was in the ambulance he was still moving. They really made me feel crazy! By the time we got to the hospital, Josiah was not moving and his skin was darker. I was holding my baby boy for the first and last time! April 12, 2012 at 2:05 he was born and less than an hour later, he was in Heaven! My mom, sister and father-in-law all came to the ER at 3am and my cousin was there, working at the hospital. We were all devastated. This was the most traumatic experience that I ever had to go through, physically, mentally, spiritually and every other way you can think of! Robert and I are still struggling with this every single day! There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of my precious angel! 

1st Ultrasound

2nd Ultrasound where we heard the heartbeat

1st Trimester Screening 12 weeks

17 weeks pregnant

Very sick, 140lbs or less trying to hold down soup!

Am I ever going to have a baby?!

I was told after my Lap Band surgery to be careful, because once I lost weight I would be able to get pregnant a lot faster. Well, they were right! I did get pregnant, but I had multiple early miscarriages which was pretty devastating to us! My last miscarriage was in December of 2009. I went to a fertility doctor and did all the testing necessary to make sure there wasn't anything wrong with me. Everything seemed to be normal and the doctor said the only other option he can give us is IVF. My husband and I could not afford to fork out all the costs of IVF, so we just decided that when it was our time, the Lord would bless us! Over the next two years everyone was getting pregnant except for me! At one point we knew about 20 people that were pregnant all at the same time!! I was starting to get very depressed and getting pregnant was the only thing I can think of. My friends and family kept telling me that all the stress was causing me not to get pregnant and that I needed to relax! My best friend Criscilla, said to me that I needed to stop telling God when I wanted a baby and let him Bless us when He is ready! She was so right!!

December of 2011 I made a decision, I was going to stop focusing on a baby and start focusing on getting myself in the best shape of my life! My New Year's resolution was to start the Insanity 60 day program, and get myself looking amazing and healthy! I wanted to really tone up my body, after all I did have some loose skin from losing 120lbs! Monday, January 2, I started my new journey... Day 1 of Insanity...DONE. Day 2 of Insanity... DONE. January 4th I am at my mom's house and saying to her how bloated I feel because I should start my period any day. Even though I was a few days late, but that was fairly normal to me. She says, "Why don't you take a pregnancy test?" I laughed and said, "because as soon as I do, I will get my period!" To make my mom happy, I took the test.

Am I really seeing two blue lines??? Yes! I was really pregnant!! OMG!! I can't tell my husband while he is at work! So, I waited for him to get home, but for some reason he kept texting asking when my last period was, when I would be ovulating, and talking about some ovulation app on the iPhone! Why was he asking me all this? Especially today! He gets home and I have the pregnancy test in the bathroom so that he can see it when he goes in to shower. That idea didn't work.... He was telling me how his co-workers wife just found out she was pregnant today and they used an ovulation app and it worked! Well, I couldn't wait to blurt it out, I had waited all day so I walked away from him, went to get the test and brought it back to him! He looks at it and says, "What's this?" and I said, "I'm pregnant too!" :)

My Lap Band Journey

The BIG day was finally here.... After two weeks of a liquid diet prior to my operation, I had lost 10 pounds and now going into this at 240 pounds. My nerves were all over the place! Was this really going to be the thing that helped me get thin?? I knew it wouldn't happen overnight and I didn't want it to. I had to be on a liquid diet two weeks after the operation as well. Once I was able to eat solid foods again, it was very interesting... Over the next few months I noticed things I used to like, didn't do it for me anymore and slowly my eating habits were changing. Thanksgiving rolls around and I had dropped to 190 pounds... But it was Thanksgiving Day (my favorite day of the year, lol) I had the most horrible headache and took a Tylenol. It wasn't that easy to take pill form medication anymore and it felt like it got stuck! Well, I couldn't eat a thing all day.... I was throwing up for the next few days and had a very difficult time holding anything down. I made an appointment with my lap band doctor and as soon as I explained what happened he admitted me into the hospital and said my band may have slipped and wanted to get me on an IV for dehydration! After some tests he determined that I would have to get an emergency surgery to fix the slipped band which may have been caused by the vomiting or rapid weight loss... Five days in the hospital and another week to recover and I am good as new! It was scary but I was happy that they were able to fix it without risking my health! Well, for the next few years my weight slowly came off as I kept adjusting my eating habits and exercise routine. I was happy! Finally I wasn't morbidly obese anymore! My worst side effect of the band after surgery was heartburn and acid reflux. I got it bad! 

Through this entire process I had the love and support of my wonderful family and boyfriend. September 19, 2009 I got married to my best friend and soul mate, Robert (who, by the way was with me since before any weight loss). On our wedding day I weighed 175 pounds. That may still sound like a lot to some of you but to me, I was skinny!! The weird thing was, I was still fat in my head! I never realized how much thinner I was until I saw pictures of me then I would have to do a double take. If I was in a group of women, I always felt like the biggest one there. It took a while for it to register in my mind. By December 2011 my weight would fluctuate from 150-155 pounds. I was starting to feel comfortable with myself. I was happier, healthier, and nicer! Yes! I said nicer... Being a very heavy girl most of my life made me feel angry and bitter and I took it out on my friends, family and I had a very bad attitude. So.... This was a new ME!

So FAT I could DIE!

Like many people weight has been a major struggle in my life. As a child I was made fun of daily and my self esteem suffered. I prided myself on being a happy, positive and loving person, but my outside appearance was a huge issue for me. In my teens the weight loss roller coaster began. One diet after the next. Many of them worked, and I would lose a few pounds then I would fall right off and back to the same old eating and exercise habits. I always told myself that no matter what I would never resort to weight loss surgery because that was the easy way out! Fast forward to age 27...  I  reached my heaviest weight of 270 pounds, I was depressed, I buried myself in my work and had no social life. I went to check out Lindora and see what programs they had available and as soon as I stepped off the scale the consultant says, "If you keep this up, you're going to die!" WOW, I think I already knew that coming in, but for a complete stranger that is supposed to help you with losing weight to be so insensitive, really hurt!  I decided to at least try and become more active and I did. I started walking and even without changing my diet much I lost 15 pounds. That still wasn't enough! Now my interest in a weight loss surgery was peaking...  I told myself if I hadn't reached a decent size by age 30 that I would give in and opt for a surgery. So age 29 comes along and I am still at 255 pounds. I looked into something I had started to hear a lot about, the Lap Band. I researched the differences between the gastric bypass and the Lap Band and quickly decided to get the Lap Band procedure. I wasn't 30 yet but close enough! So after a few insurance issues, I finally have my surgery date of August 16, 2007.